Normally, when parents want their kids to come out soon, they try all sort of “induction techniques” of dubious quality. There’s bouncing on the ball, drinking raspberry tea, nipple stimulation — we’ve even heard of someone having herbs burned near the woman’s toes (though it wasn’t really made clear how this was supposed to do anything).
Linda’s new approach is decidedly contemporary. On Thursday, she had entered into a contract with Mateo that he would be born on Friday — if Linda meets a certain set of conditions. To fulfill the contract, Linda had to cook chicken, make potatoes, craft a salad, and eat it — and all the baby would have to do in return was to start being born already. Linda executed the contract (Mateo’s kick served as his sign of agreement), and began meeting her set of responsibilities.
Alas, the baby did not hold up his end of the bargain, despite the completion and ingestion of the chicken/potato/salad project. Clearly, we now have the right to pursue various remedies, and this may have to get solved by arbitration in the next few days.
growing baby 
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